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Watching Billy Staples' set at the Count Basie Theatre fell somewhere between witnessing a seal clubbing and watching Robert De Nero play Russian roulette in a Vietnam prison camp. Billy Staples, a stand up comedian and regular on the Ron and Fez show, performed in front of the sold out crowd at the recent Jim Norton show on August 10th.

Well I shouldn't really say performed, it was more like he was ripped to shreds by the ravenous hoards of fans that made up the audience. The show, which was hosted by stand up comic Rich Vos, was to feature a small set by Billy Staples. I think the whole ordeal lasted about five minutes, though I'm sure it felt like two or three days of prison time for Billy. Prison shower time. Believe it or not, thirty seconds into his routine people were actually asking for Vos back. Despite the fact that Vos is usually given a hard time of the Opie and Anthony Show, it's all very much in jest as the man's a great comic. Even with all the heckling he had to deal with; he pulled it off. If only Billy could have been so lucky.

Even before the giant orange shirt wearing Billy Staples put his first foot on stage, the cries of "You Suck", "Go Home" and "Kill Yourself" hit the poor sap like a bag of hate. There really wasn't anything he could do to help things. That's the truth. The crowd would have hurled insults at sick children. There were, however, some things he could do to make it worse, and that's where Billy shined brightest. Now I'm no stand up doctor, but I'll be willing to bet that any joke that starts out with- "Anyone ever have a colonoscopy?" is not going to go over too well with a bunch of drunken twenty year olds. And when the punch line is- "It's a real pain in the ass" you might as well throw a bag of ground beef in your pants and spend the afternoon in a tiger cage. Sure enough that's the direction Billy went, even asking hecklers to repeat their insults. I think there was even a Fabio joke in there. Bad move, poor fella.

The headliner for the evening did not dissappoint. Jim Norton was great. Yet even during his set, people were screaming out nonsense. How awesome is it when that happens? Makes you stop for a second and think, "Sure, I came to see Jim Norton perform, but man am I ever happy that the jackass in Row N keeps shouting out the same failed joke over and over". Nothing spells out funny like a slobbering mess vying for a few seconds in the spotlight. Regardless, Norton put on a really funny show, and the crowd loved it. The theatre had a lot of energy, and it was definitely a great performance. It was just about the best part of the night. The best part that is, until later on when two other Opie and Anthony regulars, Lady Di and Marion, danced at the Walt Street Pub. Nothing pulls on the old American heart strings better then those messes, in all their busted glory, slopping down glasses of Budweiser and trying to forget.

If only Billy could.

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Another one from the archives, this was a review of a Jim Norton performance at the Count Basie Theatre August 15th of 2002. The real star of the show however was the opening act and Ron and Fez fixture, Billy Staples.